Arrogance diminishes wisdom

Back for real.... spent the past several months in a deeply unconscious state. So much has changed and so much more remains the same... but there have been some significant events that have forced me to the surface of reality.

The most recent (and significant) event was the unexpected death of a dear friend. About a week ago, he died alone at his home... he was an amazing guy... I had the extraordinary honor of speaking at his Memorial Service. I initially balked when asked to speak, but then realized this opportunity to honor Kevin, wouldn't come again... this was it. So I committed... and to be honest, his death hit me hard... and is why I find myself back here... writing again. At the core...I haven't changed... but my level of consciousness has... I'm "here" now.

So where do we go from here? I am no longer on this journey alone... my squad is here and I'm 'right' now.

I have also found my sanctuary... surfing has become for me a time for healing in the truest and purest sense - it transcends simple sport. And God knows I need it... A few weeks ago my brother Muncko and I surfed the North Shore. Wasn't his first time, but for me it was... he's far more skilled than I am but our Sunday morning sessions have become not merely routine or tradition... but necessary for my survival. It's not simply about the surfing... that day at the N Shore it was cosmic and nearly impossible to articulate. First of all... simply being in the water/waves of Hawaii's North Shore was an incredible feeling. Nine out of 10 days, I have no business surfing the N Shore... but this day was chill. It started to rain, the clouds were low and from the break you couldn't see the shore... the rain was hitting the water so hard it made the water look like a beaded blanket... Muncko was about 50 feet from me and at one point had about 4 or 5 sea turtles around him... then the Sunday morning church bells began to ring. The moment will forever be etched in my mind... was as close to being in a dream that I've ever been.

Surfing forces me to be present... completely. My very large and out of control ego is in check... and I'm at the mercy of Mother Earth...

So... as I said... I'm back.

dog days

the process is in motion... today, the girls put the dog on a plane and sent him this way. I was a little nervous for the poor guy. Imagine putting a two year old on a plane and sending him half way around the world with no real idea what the hell was going on. But he made it here ok and seems to be doing pretty well. he took a few seconds to figure out that he knew me... but just as quickly, he started to wag his tail and lean against me thru the kennel fence trying for a rub.

in one week, almost a year and a half of separation comes to an end... i get the girls back. not even sure I'm prepared for how excited I'm going to be to get them here and to be able to touch them and hug them.... everyday! whenever I want to... reminds me... you watch these reality shows... survivor, biggest loser, big brother, you name it.. and the people complain and whine about missing their families and all that.. makes me ill. my family has been separated for the better part of three years. not even something i can explain... unless you've had even a taste of what separation is, you wouldn't get it. i honestly want to punch these people that sob because they've been away from family for 30 days... seriously, I'd KILL for my next separation to be 30 DAYS... that's NOTHING, a JOKE... my 5-year-old could do 30 days without batting an eye... i know, everyone's different and we don't all chose the life that I have... ok, i get that... still think these people suck but ok

I am so tired i hurt all over... and i have a headache.

The state of hawaii made an enemy of the wrong man today... those of you who know my other half, I'm completely different from her. No heart and a venomous SOB. I know my short comings...

One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested

fairly slow day. not entirely post worthy but i made a commitment.

had a dental appointment today, got the teeth cleaned.

after work i came back to the "room" Bob and I are sharing... sat and watched sportscenter and got ready for a run. bob was at his house cleaning (he's moving to the mainland next week) so he can turn his keys in and be done with his house. so i got good and stretched and got the iPod situated... ran to the Chili Peppers tonight... was in a Chili Peppers' mood all day in fact.

so i headed off down the street toward Pearl Harbor... the Officer's Club sits right on the water and there's a walking/running path behind it that follows lazily along the water behind the houses. as i was running i could see Ford Island off to my left... the water was so still, almost like a lake... so as i'm running i drift off to thoughts of the attack here on Dec 7, 1941... you do that a lot here, especially when you are a military guy working and meeting in buildings that were standing when the base was attacked... some of the buildings have bullet holes in them still. it's a surreal thing to see. then i also see the USS Missouri and the Arizona Memorial everyday as I drive to work right past them... but anyway, back to the run... so I start think about being in that exact spot on the day the attacked happened. it's a weird thing to do... i did the same thing in NYC at the site of the World Trade Center. I imagine it's a normal thing to do... we see so much of the images growing up and in movies... and in the case of 9/11... we watched it unfold. wasn't thinking anything specific... just how insane the whole thing had to be... the fear for families as guys ran to work and to help. one moment you're in paradise, the next you're in hell.

anyway, as i reach roughly the 2 mile mark of the run... the sky opens up and it begins to pour, and i start laughing... i'm no where near shelter and I'm not going to stop... so i just keep going and and actually enjoy it... why do we run from the rain... why don't we ever stop and enjoy a good drenching... i'm not going to melt and it feels good, makes you feel young again.

so the last two miles of the run I'm drenched to the skin... every inch of me... only bad thing is my shoes are soaked and probably will take a day or two to dry completely but i had a blast. got back to the room, took off my shirt outside and wrung it out... then realized my Jeep was sitting out there with no top on it... completely soaked so I grab the keys and jump in and drive it around to the covered parking in back... JUST AS THE RAIN STOPS.

Damn the luck... but it's a Jeep, supposed to get wet.

More tomorrow... nothing exciting on the schedule but who knows what tomorrow will bring... i have a meeting with people that drive me insane so maybe that will inspire me

Technology... is a damned thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other

let me start by saying the failure to post was not my fault at all. let me explain... and if enough of you still think I failed then i guess i'll shave the head and keep my word.

i've been stayin g with some amazing friends since i arrived on the island... most recently i've been shacking up with a friend who is moving back to the mainland. his family left a little early and he stayed behind to close some things out at work and to get the house packed and moved. on sunday, my first failure to post... i was unaware that the internet would be turned off. I DID write a post (not very exciting one) but never posted it. i thought i could do it monday morning from the office but that didn't happen... then monday i moved into a hotel for the night... and they didn't have wireless only hard cable internet and NO loaner cables. so i was stuck. this may sound like excuses and i respect that it does... but it's just full up honesty.

i'm back and will quickly wrap up a relatively uneventful couple of days

sunday, woke at about 6 am.. dressed and hit the golf course for a round with bob.. a buck a hole skins... was even until we made the turn at number nine and somebody bought beer (at 9 am) and put it in my hand... AND they kept pouring it down my throat... very rude. so the back nine didn't go quite so well for me... but i had a good time and it was nice to be outside. then drank some more beer at the beach and then dinner... that's it... a wasted day? nah... needed the mind vacation.

yesterday was work... then i moved into the hotel for a night and watched tv and read since i had no internet... my favorite show was on so i was excited to be able to catch it...Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Great show. he is without question my favorite tv guy around. ever.

that's it... today was one very long painful meeting... from 7 am until around 5 pm. was out of the office most of the day so that was nice but was toe-to-toe with some ill-informed and stubborn types... exhausting. tonight i went to dinner with some friends to celebrate bryan's birthday. a very nice time... he and his family leave for the mainland tomorrow as well... will definitely miss them. wonderful people who were so incredibly gracious to me over the last few months. they helped me through some ugly stuff (MRSA!) and made the time with out my family a little more bearable... thanks for that... can't say thank you enough.

i think i have the posting/Internet thing worked out... leave me a message and let me know if the events of the past two days are excusable or if i need to hit the barber... majority rules.

more tomorrow

hunger is the best sauce

today was all about food, sort of... at least as far as the "tasks" are concerned. and it was fun... if not a little strange. it might be a member of the union, but this place honestly feels a little more like a foreign country to me... not completely but in some ways.

day started out (late) with a search for the "original pancake house" and my mission to try Poi Pancakes... you might be asking what Poi is... a quick explanation: Poi is a Hawaiian word for the primary Polynesia Staple food made from the Corm of the kalo plant (known widely as Taro). Poi is produced by mashing the cooked corm (baked or steamed) to a highly viscous fluid. Water is added during mashing and again just before eating, to achieve a desired consistency, which can range from liquid to dough-like. I liken Poi to grits. not in flavor but in consistency. Anyway... i found the place pretty easily (thanks for the address Marassah). it was a little hole-in-the-wall joint in the industrial/rough part of town. the shopping center had some asian grocery stores, a karaoke bar, and a hair joint. pretty non-descript area. i walked in and instantly knew the food was good. not because of the smell, but because the patrons looked overly "healthy". it was obviously a place these locals come to on a regular basis. saw at least three families walk in and see other groups they knew and walk over and exchange kisses and hugs... so the very short asian lady seats me, asks if i want coffee then scurries on her way. she comes back and takes my order... two eggs over medium with bacon, and a side of POI PANCAKES.

the pancakes come first and look just like regular pancakes. then the eggs and bacon and i'm set. my curiosity is on fire so i dive into the pancakes... let me try and articulate how they tasted, but it's a little easier to articulate how they felt. they weren't horrible tasting by any means, different but not bad. had an earthy taste to them. like when you lick the side of a tree, unless you don't do that... then it's like chewing a dead leaf. not disgusting but different. the tough thing for me was the weight of these things. when i think pancake i think light and fluffy. not these things, they were heavy. and the consistency when you chewed them was pasty... not awful, just like a goo in your mouth. i ate about half my order so i could fully appreciate what i was dealing with, i also picked up a pancake and felt it, sniffed it, and held it up to the light. all so i could better report back. my big takeaway was they were heavy, thick... and if you ate the entire order you'd gain no less than five pounds and not have to eat for a week. the eggs and bacon were good.

so after that, i got a ticket for not having my seatbelt on... nevermind that I was putting it on as i backed out of my parking space... cop said your wheels can't be moving at all. jerk. i hope he gets a splitting headache tonight.

then i was off to the other side of the island to fulfill the other portion of the day's tasks. this one also had to do with food... SPAM. Hawaiians have a love affair with spam. go to this link to read why... pretty interesting actually. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29301750/ ... so my daughter got on the internet and found "the best musubi" on the island (Spam musubi is a very popular snack and luncheon food in Hawaii. A Spam musubi is composed of a block of salted rice with a slice of Spam (cooked or uncooked) on top, and typically nori (dried seaweed) surrounding it to keep it in shape. sounds nasty? i was a little concerned to be honest.


love the drive to the other side though. you go through the mountain and emerge under massive volcanic cliffs shooting thousands of feet straight into the air. breathtaking views of the bay right in front of you too. just awesome.

I found the place pretty easily (thanks Nanny). apparently it's a Hawaiian landmark. imagine an old school 7/11 before there were 7/11s. very cool place... the folks that own it were awesome. young guy up front said they were out of musubi but he'd ask his mom in back to make me one real quick (told him it was important, my girls would be upset). he came back and chatted me up about my Jeep (everyone loves her) and then went back to check on my musubi, his mom yelled at him to get out of her kitchen. then she comes out and hands me this block of rice and meat wrapped in plastic. she said she makes hundreded (yes she really did say hundred-ed) of these everyday, best on the island.. i will like. it was now or never, so i tore off the wrapper and jammed it into my pipe. the stuff wasn't bad, but was salty as all hell. i like meat to give a little resistance (that make sense?) this "meat" didn't, it just fell apart... so from a textural point of view it freaked me out. the taste wasn't bad though, it almost tasted like meat, sort of. i couldn't make sense of it. almost like limp bacon, i like my bacon crispy, but this stuff was limp and didn't fight back.

all in all a good day... some good people... minus the cop who I'd like to congratulate on making his quota.

tomorrow i'll be surfing... thanks kara for the suggestion... a day in the salt water is nothing short of amazing.

When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

much better day....

i appreciate the suggestions for the weekend adventures. while i have been surfing since i got here... i figured i'd take that suggestion and surf somewhere new. hopefully i don't get killed... thinking maybe the north shore. timmy and kara... expect a full report tomorrow. i'll also be exploring this little dive market the girls pointed me to so i can eat a local "treat", SPAM musubi... the Hawaiian's are in love with SPAM.. apparently this little place serves the best stuff on the island. we'll see.

quick look at today... spent most of the day with the lawyers. other than me, they're my favorite people. they work hard and simply don't get caught up in the "game". realized that i've never met a lawyer i didn't like... and that's not me being funny... really. in my line of work, you meet a lot of sycophants doing everything but working hard and being the best at their respective jobs. not these guys... they do their jobs, and say it like it is regardless of who they're talking to. my kind of cats...

I'm excited for tomorrow... can't wait to share the day with you. again, thanks to those who take the time to comment, just so you know... those of you who leave comments make me smile.

be well... see you tomorrow

We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality.

Existence exists

Day three and it wasn't much better, but not for the same reasons. I don't think I've been sleeping well... woke up today looking for a fight. Angry, tired, and ready for it to be over before it began.

Typically I'm the guy that will talk to everyone and anyone. I'll joke during a meeting, talk to strangers in the elevator, smile at everyone, and when asked how I am respond with "extraordinary"... but not today. Was grunting at everyone and cut straight to the point in meetings and phone conversations. I hate being like this. Again, I'll blame it on a lack of sleep. And maybe the weather... nasty all day... NO sun what-so-ever. Paradise?

The adventure today was leaving work early for a few appointments. Fell asleep in the dentists chair while I was waiting for the doc to check a jacked up filling... then went and signed for a house.

My "healing" moment came later when the daughter of some friends graduated the 8th grade. I went to the ceremony and then dinner with some friends and their families. Was a nice night. A bit sad but very eye opening... we've known their daughter for several years and she's now off to H.S. She was just a little girl when we first met them. When I leave this Island, my oldest will be a teenager... so as I watched all these kids tonight, I saw my daughters and realized time is too short... Can't allow days like today to consume me. I tend, like a lot of people, to get consumed with things out of my control. Tomorrow will be a great day.

Was great to get another comment on the blog... hopefully tomorrow I'll get a bunch more as I head into the weekend. Two full days to execute whatever ideas are fired my way. So far I have one in the hopper for Saturday morning (Thanks Dre). If I don't get any I'll have to make due with some self-generated creativity... a scary thought indeed.

reason, purpose, self-esteem...